Colt Cedar Callaghan was a brave and handsome man the day he died. His strength and determination facing death is a testament to that bravery. He may have only been 17 years, 4 months, and 9 days old when his life ended, but he had already become more of a man than many others could hope to be, or will ever be in the face of death. While I do not agree with the choice to end his own beautiful life on that fateful day; I will always respect him for being so steadfast in his decision making and follow through. I know that I would not have been able to follow him into the unknown. Colt will forever be a grown man in my eyes, despite only having known him as a boy. We will always remember and look back on his life with nothing but love for him in our hearts. Colt has changed every life he’s touched in a different way. He was truly a gift to be thankful for in our lives. This unbelievable pain is only the price we pay for having someone so wonderful, be a part of this life.
—Holly Callaghan
Grieving a Dream
Planning a Fantasy Future
Living in a Tomb of Time
Protected from the World
Alone in the Dark
With my Imagination
Playing out what should have Been
Living the Lie
Alone..
Trapped in my Mind
A dangerous game you play..
A very dark and disturbing game…
I twist.. I hurt.. I shred..
Anger is only a small piece..
No one know how dark.. how deep this soul really is…
Who knows what will happen when all is really lost..
I should just dissapear..
Save the world from myself..
Or should I save myself from the world?
Drug induced relaxation…
Pills determining mood…
Life twists to get way from you..
Succeeding as I sit and stare…
At nothing…
Feelings overwhelming..
Only numbed for now..
Numb..
I wish I couldn’t feel this…
How my heart is ripped…
Tattered and Torn..
Shreds… I try to fix.
Maybe I will…
Maybe I will choose to stay numb…
Numb is more comfortable.
Thinking is:
difficult and wonderful..
horrid and twisted..
dark and deep
and Everything..
Thinking is:
what makes us human
I think…
if we never thought..
it would all just be instinct..
and instinct is more animal than anything..
its what keeps us alive..
the mind will lead us into traps and infinity..
death and eternal life..
It is All..
It is Everything..
It is Humanity
This is over.
Done and Gone.
Nothing left.
All for none..
Soil used..
Drought stricken..
Dry.
Shit won’t make these flowers grow..
They all have died..
Time is over.
Life is done.
I hope you turn to dust.
Alone with your choices..
Stuck in the Dark.
Goodbye..Goodbye…
Goodbye, Cunt.
Twisted
Oh how she lies…
She manipulates..
She twists the truths…
What a sad, sick creature you are!
Excommunication was too good for you…
I hope every church you are obsessed with abandons you like you abandon everyone else!
You’re worthless.
You’re nothing.
You have every single quality I Hate!
May this new year,
ushered in by the eclipse,
be full of change and innovation.
I shall celebrate an end to this year,
and the new journey I take…
Embarking on a new life,
A new beginning….
The darkness
Eating away at my center
Ripping away from my soul
I whither
As the good rots away
This cancer infesting my heart
I tremble
As the colors fade
And all this is left is blood red
I remember
Before my mind dies
That there was beauty and happiness once
It all fades away
As I die
And dissapear
The Descent
This world swirls around me
Stealing bits and pieces
Wanting more and taking
Taking all that can be took
This world swirls and shows me
What I have and have not done
The world twirls to tell me
Just how weak I am
I step outside my shell
I see the sun set on my soul
I know the time is fleeting
I know the light is gone
Oh how this world twists and pulls
Oh how this life spins uncontrollably
Oh how I wish …
Everything fades…
My Beloved Brother, Colt Cedar Callaghan, unexpectedly killed himself at his high school campus. His loss as nearly killed my family and has caused more changes in our life than anything could have. Below is a poem I wrote for his memorial square. He is missed immensely by all of those who knew him.
July 18, 1990 – November 27, 2007
May he always be above,
Floating.
Watching over our family,
Helping.
Living in our hearts,
Forever.
Is ignorance bliss?
I believe it may be
But ignorance can be overcome
Beaten by intuition
By common sense
By reading between the lines
I measure you movements
Your facial expressions
Your speech patterns
I see it all
Everything you hide behind your mask
The façade you show you every day
Oh how I wish I could not see
I know too much
I know your lies
I know your inner thoughts
Is ignorance bliss?
Maybe…
Maybe I would feel better…
If I were unaware of your lies
Of this secret life you live
I’m so tired of secrets
So tired of lies
Of this incomplete “devotion”
You exhaust me
You deplete me
You use me for what you want or need
But I need, you disappear
You laugh
You disregard my feelings
I am obviously not as important as you
So yes… I wish I did not know
I wish I did not understand
Because now I’m caught
And even though I see
All that surrounds is a sticky web
And a hungry spider…
Turmoil
No one to tell
No advice to be given
Turmoil, turning me inside out
Upside down
Life like Alice
Wrapped up in fantasy
No one to know, no one to share
Voices, here and there…
telling their lies, showing their visions.
Surrounding, swirling, taking
No one to hear but me…
Alone, in turmoil.
